News - Assault With An 8-Inch Sausage

(Fresno, CA) A man reportedly broke into the home of two farmworkers, stole cash, rubbed one of the men with spices and hit the other with a sausage before fleeing.

The weapon of choice for a burglar -- an 8-inch sausage which he used to attack his victims after waking them up with some Pappy's spice seasoning.

Some information from the police report:

Before fleeing the residence, Vasquez, for some reason, removed his shorts, which contained his driver's license, credit cards, school IDs, and cell phone... Cops were unable to recover Vasquez's principal weapon. "I asked Santiago where the sausage was," Deputy George Ozburn wrote, "he advised his dog ate it."

I would have liked to see him claim that he saw someone do it in a video game.

Source: The Smoking Gun